Many have heard this classic old saying, which still applies today! Indeed, visual appeal continues to be a big part of physical attraction, at least initially. Other qualities are very important when sparking romance beyond superficial appeal, such as kindness, honesty, compassion, compatibility, and of course the way a prospective partner makes us feel about ourselves.
Many daters face a mix of positive traits to analyze—both physical and emotional. But research has gone further, investigating what qualities matter to prospective partners in the absence of physical attraction. Kaitlyn P. White et al. (2021) analyzed how men and women make mating decisions without physical attraction. They began by acknowledging that highly attractive potential partners may be scarce, forcing singles to broaden their perspective.
The study participants rated images of unattractive opposite-sex individuals for long-term and short-term relationships after learning either favorable or unfavorable information about them. They found that although all participants preferred partners with positive information, men in the study were generally more willing than women to engage in casual sex. Over time, qualities like easygoing personality, positivity, and even sense of humor create chemistry despite a lack of stunning good looks.
Conversely, difficult traits and disagreeable temperament can extinguish spark even with an attractive partner. White et al. (ibid.) found that learning unfavorable information linked to less desire for target individuals than positive information. Women’s lack of interest did not depend on mating context—men viewed such targets as particularly undesirable for long-term relationships.
Regarding positive attributes, the research revealed men were willing to consider long-term relationships with physically unattractive partners who possessed strong qualities. For short-term satisfaction, men showed greater interest in pursuing casual sex with individuals low in physical appeal, regardless of other traits—and they were more willing than women to form serious relationships with such partners if those individuals demonstrated desirable qualities like kindness or good style.
In contrast, women lacked interest in physically unattractive people regardless of relationship context or type sought.
Dating websites often showcase outdated photos. Not surprisingly, the most productive way to get to know someone new is through a process—not quick perception. Chemistry develops via in-person contact, comfort, and compatibility testing. Despite dating profiles’ accolades, personal interaction reveals true personality and character. Looking beyond physical appearance for positive qualities remains time well spent in evaluating partner preferences.
Safe, smart dating includes meeting publicly rather than privately, favoring crowded coffee shops over secluded spaces. Spending time together allows perception of a prospective partner far beyond what is immediately visible.
